As a second timer to this pregnancy business, there were certain signs and symptoms that had me “hmming” and second guessing that glass of wine early on. I’m sharing the early signs and symptoms that had me pretty certain that I should pee on the stick.
I obviously knew I was pregnant at this point!
Peeing in the middle of the night. This never happens to me unless I’m pregnant, If I have to get up even once during the middle of the night to pee, chances are, I’m pregnant! Increased progesterone and human chorionic gonadotropin (hcg) hormones following implantation are to blame for this less pleasant early pregnancy symptom.
Weird breakouts. This one sucks. All of those hormones coursing through my veins result in terrible breakouts, sometimes in places I’ve never broken out before (under my jawline, neck, back. Ew.
All out rage and the desire to kill my husband in his sleep. Especially for this most recent baby, I was a rage-a-holic early on. Every breath my husband took, chip he chewed, and 30 second increment that he slept while I was up running to the bathroom at night had me referencing the years of Investigation Discovery I watched for ideas. Thankfully, we’re all still alive, and he was gracious enough to stay married to me through that first trimester.
Tender titties. This didn’t happen with my current pregnancy, but with Lawless, I remember I had just started a new workout program, and jumping rope was on the menu. Every hop, skip and jump had me questioning who was inhabiting my uterus, and why I had started this workout program.
Nausea and general malaise. Especially with my first pregnancy, I remember feeling nauseous super early on. I was on a work trip, and stopped to stay with my parents for a few days before the work fun began. I remember making chicken noodle soup for my family, and thinking it tasted like shit, and that the smell of it was making me nauseous. Low and behold, a few days later, I had a positive pregnancy test in hand, and then I was puking in every subway stop trashcan in Manhattan. Those were the days.
What clued you in that you might be pregnant? The symptoms are weird, and the possibilities are seemingly endless. Tell me how you knew you needed to take the test!
We’ve all been there – Topless in the parking lot of a Fort Myers Panera, the whir of a Spectra S1 lulling you into a relaxing trance before your client meeting. Your pump bra is in the trunk in your suitcase, so you just hold those flanges steady while longingly staring at your “Pick 2” lunch, knowing that you won’t have time to eat it.
Pumping and traveling is HARD y’all! If you’re like me, you try to cram all of your meetings into as few days as possible in an effort to minimize time away from your baby. You move from car, to airplane, to meeting and back. Before you know it, your tits are ready to burst, you feel like you’re gonna puke, and BAM plugged ducts or mastitis. I have learned a LOT in this 14 months (and going) of nursing with almost weekly travel, so I figured I’d share some of my own best practices.
Pack Extras
Whether it be extra pump parts, a spare manual pump, or a backup battery, pack a Plan B. Too many times I have forgotten just ONE tiny piece of my pump, or the battery pack. Nobody wants to hand express into an airplane bathroom sink or Uber to the closet Walmart between meetings. No one. My new go to is to pack my Spectra, and then to also pack my manual pump. That way if I need to pump in the car, or my seat on the airplane, I’ve got options. If I end up forgetting a flange, a duckbill, whatever, I have a second option to hold me over until I can get a replacement part or until I go home. Also, remember extra milk bottles/bags just in case! I often underestimate how much I pump in a 24 hour period.
Pick Your Target
If you’re flying, do some research on the airports that you’re flying out of and into to see if there are nursing rooms available. Pumping in a bathroom stall should be your absolute last option. Would you want to eat food that was prepared in a bathroom stall? Neither does your baby! Say that to anyone who suggests that that’s a good option. I especially love saying that to unsuspecting men.
Major hubs like Atlanta, Miami, Houston and Charlotte have either nursing suites or MamaVa nursing pods. Consult the Google before you fly so you can find out if pumping before you take off, after you land, or during a layover (or all three) are an option. Some MamaVa pods require the app in order to unlock the nursing pod, so download that first if you plan to use one.
Know Thine TSA Protocol
I have had a fabulous experience with TSA as a breastfeeding mom. There was only one tiny snafu in which a newer TSA agent tried to tell me that I could only have 3 oz bottles of breastmilk. I kindly pointed her towards a copy of the TSA rules, she brought her manager over, and I was on my way. In general though, I have had some of the sweetest men and women congratulate me on extended breastfeeding, and share some of their own family’s breastfeeding journeys. Don’t stress!
A few things to note:
You might want to print out the TSA rules for traveling with breastmilk just in case someone is having a bad day and gives you a hard time. You can find them HERE
If your milk and your ice pack are frozen solid, they do not need to run your milk through the machine to test it. If they are partially thawed – to the machine with you!
I like to tell the agents at the front of the belt that I have breastmilk. They tell the person looking in the little X-ray TV, and then they know what they’re looking a when 60oz of liquids show up on their screen
Pack your milk in bottles, if possible – Since each individual bag or bottle will be run through the machine, I prefer to use something sturdier, like a Medela storage bottle to avoid potential puncture and spillage of my milk sweat and tears
Call ahead
Call ahead to your hotel to make sure that there is a fridge in your room, and if there isn’t ask if they can have one waiting for you when you arrive. Call again on your way to the hotel in case housekeeping never got the memo, so you don’t have to waste time waiting around for it. I have gotten stuck there waiting for housekeeping to arrive while I nervously counted down the minutes until I had to leave for a client meeting. Worst case, you can always put your milk in the ice bucket and fill it with ice to keep it cool while you’re out, but I prefer the cooling continuity of a fridge.
ind out where it is in relation to your meetings and sessions so you can figure out when you will hit the Mother’s Room. Many times it will just be a spare meeting room that they set aside for nursing moms and give you a key to enter. I suggest facing away from the door (if you give a crap) — I’ve been walked in on many times. The conference staff aren’t accustomed to using those rooms as Mother’s Rooms and sometimes forget. Meh.
Stay Cool
Figuring out how the f*** to keep your milk cool all day while you’re out and about shaking hands and dealing deals is a challenge. As if you need one more thing to worry about as you lug your pump bag, laptop and suitcase around a strange city!
On the way there, I prefer to bring some small ice packs that I’ve gotten from home meal services. That way if I lose one or have to toss it, no big deal. Once those suckers have melted, if keeping the milk in the fridge isn’t an option, I also bring some spare Ziplocs with me, and fill them with ice at my hotel, or ask a server to bring me some ice when I’m out to lunch. If I’m in a real pinch, I’ll hit up the Starbucks, order a coffee with a Venti cup of ice on the side, and fill up several milk storage bags and surround my expressed milk with them. Ive had some leaks from using straight up ice, but my precious cargo remained cool and drinkable, so that was ok with me.
Get it In Where You Can Fit it In
It is HARD to find both the time and the place to pump while on a road trip. I’m no stranger to manually expressing on the highway to the tune of Back Dat Azz Up, for example. I often have to travel with my (male) boss from meeting to meeting, and he has little concept of what the pumping life requires, nor do I care to share. To avoid mastitis and to make sure I don’t negatively affect my milk supply by neglecting my sweater puppets, I have to get creative. This sometimes means wearing a hands free bra under my work clothes so that I can hook up a battery to my pump, and pumping on the drive to and from the airport.
For Longer Trips
If you’re going to be away for 3 days or more, or if you’re a mass producer, you might consider shipping your milk home. Milk Stork is a pricy, but fantastic solution to ship breastmilk home to your baby and caretaker. A few things to be aware of when shipping with Milk Stork:
If you’re traveling over the weekend for work and you ship on a Saturday, your milk will arrive on Monday. Similarly, there are no Sunday shipments. Milk Stork ships through FedEx, and these are carrier limitations.
They have no control over weather, or FedEx delays. II, unfortunately found this out first hand when there were several days of intense fog, and my milk was delayed several days. Luckily, their ice packs last for up to 72 hours, so my milk arrived in great shape despite the lag time. To prepare for potential delays, make sure that you have enough milk to hold baby over for the entire trip and use this service to get your milk home safely and hassle free rather than as a means to feed baby while you’re away.
You Got This
Being both a nursing and a working mom means disposing of that very last fuck that you have to give, and pumping in your airplane seat or in a parked car. We’re doing the very best that we can for our babies, and we should take no prisoners and give no apologies.
What are your travel hacks when traveling without baby? I’m still nursing, and still learning, and I’d love to hear your pro tips!
Should I be taking a supplement to increase my milk production?
Galactagogue – It sounds like some overtly strict professor from a recently discovered planet. Ok, maybe I’m just a nerd. In fact, a galactagogue is any substance or supplement that promotes lactation in humans and other animals.
So many times, while I’m late night [Read: 7:30pm] surfing my mom groups on social media, sleeping toddler who can doze through literal bombings at our local military base, but awakes screaming if I sneeze, in the crook of my arm, I see a post from a mom asking how to increase her milk production.
And then in come the galactagogue pushers with their laundry list of oils, and supplements, and herbs (MLM anyone?):
“Have you tried Fenugreek? It works wonders!”
“Sweet Nipple of St. AgnesTea. Get some ASAP. You’ll be pouring milk out of every orifice”
“Rub some blessed thistle on your ass and then count to 7. Works every time!”
First of all, the next time I see someone type “It works wonders!” I’m going to reach through my screen and slap them. This ain’t QVC, Donna. Grates my nerves. But secondly, while anecdotally, galactagogues have had positive effects on some women, there are really no credible studies around their effectiveness, and they can have the exact opposite effect for some women. There are so many factors that could contribute to a mom either thinking that her milk production isn’t up to snuff or that could actually contribute to decreased milk production, so I urge you to find the root cause of such perception or issue rather than attempting to patch it up with a magic pill or tincture.
Below are a list of some common galactagogues and reasons you might want to avoid or consider them.
Fenugreek
Fenugreek is an herb, found in the Mediterranean and West Asia that is most widely produced in India. It has a wide variety of medicinal uses including use as an appetite stimulant, to help with kidney function, and to lower high cholesterol. It is widely recommended in social media mom groups as a means to increase milk production, and can be found in many supplements such as Upspring’s Milkflow supplement and Honest Brand’s Postnatal Lactation Plus. Fenugreek can be a very effective galactagogue for some women, however it can actually have the opposite effect for some others and decrease their milk supply. On top of that, it can cause gas and upset stomach for baby and mama. Another potential side effect is that it can affect the absorption of medications and vitamins. No thanks. If you can curb your curiosity and avoid this one, I’d recommend it. Upping your water intake and making sure you are getting enough calories will, as they say, “work wonders”.
Brewer’s Yeast
Tastes like shit on it’s own. Can be palatable in “lactation cookies”. This is another one that can go either way for you. Some women have great success with brewer’s yeast. Other women have major tummy issues themselves and sometimes their babies get upset stomachs too. If you’re going to try this one, my recommendation is to bake it in a cookie, or drink a pint of Guiness. At least make it fun for yourself at the start of your experiment if it has the potential to end in a stomachache. If you choose not to roll the yeasty dice, just make cookies and drink beer anyway. Life is short.
Blessed Thistle
This sounds like something you’d say when you step on a Lego…”Blessed thistle, Karen! Put these G– damn Legos away!”. I digress. Blessed thistle when taken in the wrong quantities can cause diarrhea, upset stomach, and many other symptoms spouted off in a Pepto-Bismol commercial. It’s in many prepared lactation teas like Motherlove‘s lactation capsules and tinctures. I love me some Motherlove products, but I’d still skip the galactagogues if you can help it, because who wants to give baby another reason to wake up screaming at 2am (gas)?
Oats
While there is no scientific evidence indicating that oats increase lactation, they are often recommended, and they can work for some women. I see no issue with this one, and also oats are delicious. You can have it in a cookie, a hot bowl of oatmeal in the am…oat pancakes. Do what you like, mama. Kelly Mom theorizes that oats might work because they are a good source of iron, reduce cholesterol, and are “comfort food”. No harm in trying!
Fin
And there you have it folks! If you’re considering a galactagogue, you’re taking a gamble. You can’t be sure that the supplement will affect your milk supply positively, and there is the chance that it would do the very opposite! If you’re having trouble with milk supply, please speak with an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), not Hilary from your old pilates class that you never really made it to and ended up paying for anyway. If you don’t have the extra money to work with an IBCLC, find you a La Leche League group in your local town, and get your lactating ass to a meeting. Or at least join the Facebook group to ask questions!
Before Lawless was scheduled to arrive, I had no idea what I should add to my baby registry (first world problem), or what I might need. My closest friends had had their babies years before, and my niece was born a decade ago, so I was working off of old intel. I asked around and got a pretty comprehensive list, but these are a few of the favorites that weren’t on my registry that are extremely nice to have. The below list does contain some affiliate links to my true favorites.
I’d actually argue that this one is an essential if you’re planning to breastfeed – it’s the ultimate breastfeeding pillow. With a buckle that goes around your waist to keep the pillow secure and make sure there are no gaps for baby to slide through, and a pocket for your phone, burp cloth, and snacks, and a nice terry cover, this pillow far exceeds the Boppy, IMO. I recommend also registering for the waterproof cover or getting one on Etsy, because, maybe your husband changes the baby and forgets to put a new diaper on him, and he pees all over you and the My Brest Friend. Maybe that.
I thought that this was the most useless product ever until I had a baby boy that would pee as soon as a cool gust of air or a below room temperature baby wipe even thought of touching his manhood. We only used this for the first few newborn months, but damned if it didn’t save us from getting peed on on several occasions. Are you noticing a theme here in this post? We got peed on A LOT.
One of my best friends got this for us before Lawless was born, because her baby loved it so much. Let me tell you, it was a lifesaver. When the baby was freaking the F out during a diaper change, the witching hour, when he was hungry, tired, etc., this little magical guy charmed the Pampers right off of him. I think the combo of light and music and those big adorable eyes are mesmerizing to little newborns. Get one.
Baby wearing saved my sanity on many occasions when Lawless was a newborn (and still does) when he wouldn’t stand for being put down. My next door neighbor is stylish and makes motherhood look glamorous and effortless (like seriously, she has her own monogram machine, always looks like she stepped out of a fitness magazine, and has impeccable taste), so when she recommended this, I had to give it a try. Solly Baby has the most beautiful fabrics, and from what I hear, they are lighter and stretchier than similar items like the Boba wrap. We had a late spring baby in Florida, so we needed something that wasn’t going to make both of us sweat. Solly Baby has great videos on how to use this mile-long piece of fabric and once you get the hang of it, it is SO amazing to be able to use two hands again. If learning to wrap a baby sounds like way too much trouble, try a ring sling.
If you have a dog, keep scrolling. If not, this robot vacuum has been the tits. Now that Lawless is mobile and eating plenty of solids, having a vacuum that can run in the background and pick up all of the dried corn nibblets and discarded Puffs from the various corners of the house is priceless. No, it’s not a “baby” item, but it helps make our home go from “dumpster” to “inside of a busy Panera” in no time, and has provided endless hours of entertainment for the baby who turns it on, and off, and on…and off. And also follows it around the house pointing and grunting.
All of us moms run in different parenting circles and use catch phrases like “food before one is just for fun”, “breast is best”, “fed is best”, and the likes. We’re not going to agree on everything (or anything sometimes), but there are certain mainstream baby items that just irk me when I see them on message boards, Facebook posts, in friends homes, at Target…I digress.
These are three baby items that I wish would be retired and removed from the shelves.
Rock N’ Play “Sleeper”
I’m not linking to this item because if you want to buy it, you can go find it yourself. First and foremost, this is not an approved sleeping device. I am 100% for parents doing their own research, and after educating themselves, making their own decisions. We take risks every day, crossing the street , going swimming, eating at a restaurant – so choosing a sleep environment for your baby is no different. There are always risks. According to the AAP, babies should not sleep in an elevated position because it can cause death by positional asphixiation, and unfortunately babies have died in these Rock N Plays. Personally, they irk me because the same moms who scream from the rooftops that bed sharing is inherently dangerous and not approved by the AAP have one of these at their bedsides. They can also cause some wicked flathead, and can make transitioning the baby to a flat surface very difficult. Cue moms commenting about how their babies have reflux and their pediatricians approved this as a sleeping device. I don’t need to know about your life. Carry on.
Sippy Cups
These are great if you don’t want your kid to spill water or juice (stop giving that baby juice, it will rot her teeth and it’s loaded with sugar), but otherwise they serve no other purpose developmentally. They were created by parents, for parents, and according to the American Speech Language Hearing Association can even affect baby’s speech and facial development later on. We like weighted straw cups or just regular old cups instead to help baby develop real drinking skills, and to avoid speech and facial dev issues.
Infant Seats
For some moms, like my two friends named Amanda, infant seats like the Bumbo and Fisher Price Sit Me Up were great tools to help baby learn to sit, and to give them a little time to pour a cup of coffee. Lawless’ chunky baby legs were too fat for the Bumbo by the time he was at the age to give it a try, and then I read up on the drawbacks of infant seats. Deemed “baby holding devices” these suckers can teach babies incorrect postural alignment and don’t offer any developmental benefits. Tummy time (ugh tummy time) and floor activities are much more appropriate for developing proper strength and motor skills. Unless your name is Amanda, and your baby has innate, brute strength from jump, take the baby out of Bumbo jail, and listen to him wail on the floor. I know mama, I know.
While these items make life for caretakers just a little bit easier, they’re not good for baby. If it seems like a product or device is a little too convenient, start doing a your research to make sure you aren’t causing more problems down the road. On the plus side, you’ll save yourself some money that you can later spend on Amazon while breastfeeding in the wee hours of the morning.
Congrats mama! You’re expecting a squishy bundle of adorable human, and you’ve made the choice to give your baby one of the greatest gifts you can – your biologically perfect breastmilk, and the comfort and connection that come from a nursing relationship. Yay for you both!
Breastmilk is fucking amazing, so much so, that I’ll likely create an entirely new blog post to how freaking cool it is, and why it’s proof that we’re not running the show around here (Hey God, it’s me, Katie. Nicely done). If you’ve decided to breastfeed, you are likely spun up on the benefits, but in summary, breastmilk is everything that your baby needs from day one. No need to supplement before your milk comes in, so tell that Labor & Delivery nurse she can formula feed her ass – colostrum is a concentrated miracle food and your baby’s belly will be the size of a marble at birth. And no need to supplement after your milk comes in unless you are one of the very unlucky few who do not produce enough. But again, there are very few.
If you are one of the mamas who does have medical issues that prevent you from breastfeeding, I’m sending you a big hug. This post is not meant to knock you or tell you you’re not trying hard enough. Shit happens, and I’m sorry you got dealt the shitty breastfeeding hand. The below is intended to encourage new moms, and set them up for success assuming that all is well in the hormonal and glandular tissue areas.
Here are the 5 things that you should have before baby arrives to ensure that your breastfeeding journey is as successful as possible.
1. A Breastfeeding Support System
I could really stop the post right here. This is the only thing that you absolutely need for a successful breastfeeding journey. A supportive partner, physician, midwife, group of friends, or a breastfeeding group… Surround yourself with people who will be encouraging when breastfeeding gets tough, and who will listen to your worries, doubts and complaints about how your nips are chapped. YOU NEED THIS.
If you don’t feel like you have this already, make like a new mom’s nipple and get crackin (just kidding, that doesn’t happen to everyone). A great place to start is your local La Leche League. Attend a monthly meeting so that you can meet nursing moms, their supportive partners and family members, and check out their cute, tiny people while you rub your growing belly. Each local group usually has a Facebook page too, so you can ask those pressing 4am questions, and get suggestions, encouragement, and support any time you need help. My local LLL has been SO helpful in answering questions, and making me feel like everything that’s happening with my baby and my body is normal. I can’t recommend them enough.
DO NOT let your OB, pediatrician, or well meaning friends and family make you feel like your milk is not enough. None of these people are experts. I repeat, NONE of these people are experts when it comes to breastfeeding unless they also hold the title of International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. Your pediatrician, your OB, the hospital lactation consultant….unless they are an IBCLC, they should not be recommending that you supplement with formula, cereal, none of that. Period. End of story. Thanks for stopping by. GFY.
2. Confidence & Determination
This shit is hard. No one tells you that. I’m here to tell you, it’s hard work. The one thing that really pushed me through this tough time when my nipples felt like frayed denim, and I was getting an average of 12 minutes of sleep a night, was the confidence that was instilled in me by my midwife, Cindi. “You will breastfeed, ” she told me. “My moms have a 100% success rate, and it’s a requirement if you’re going to have your baby here”.
This might seem like a lot of pressure, but it wasn’t. I never questioned my ability to breastfeed because she told me I’d do it. See above requirement for a support system. You CAN do this mama. It will be hard, you will be tired, you will wonder if it’s possible if that cute little leech is really nursing AGAIN. But I promise you, you can do it.
3. A Netflix Account or Other Source of Entertainment
I’m pretty sure that I (ignorantly) nursed through tongue or lips ties because nursing caused me a lot of pain. One of the only things that saved me was that a new season of Orange is the New Black was released on Netflix. Taystee, Red, and Suzanne got me through some tough times. In all seriousness, sometimes you just need a distraction. A TV show, some good music, a conversation with visiting friends. Allow yourself to relax, sit back, and distract. Also snacks. Snacks, snacks, more snacks, and tons of water! Gotta fuel those milk factories in your sweater.
4. Phone Numbers for Your Local IBCLCs
Hunt these down before baby comes in like an adorable wrecking ball, and hang them on your fridge. Show them to your partner, your mom, your best friend. This can be your SOS, white flag flying, break glass in case of emergency number. If you’ve got some extra funds, it’s a GREAT idea to establish a relationship with an IBCLC before baby is born, and schedule a home visit or two for when baby arrives. She can assess baby’s latch, check for tongue or lip ties, do a weighted feed, and give you some pro tips. Visits can be a couple hundred dollars depending on where you live, but insurance companies often reimburse for these visits. If you’re military, there are often IBCLCs available free of charge on base. Check with your local La Leche League’s Facebook page for recommendations on which IBCLCs are best and which have missed the mark.
Please note that the IBCLC credential is important. Anyone can call themselves a Lactation Consultant, even with limited hours of training, but IBCLCs are the real deal and best of the best. A lot of questions and best practices can absolutely be handled by an LC or a CLEC, but an IBCLC is the top qualification.
5. A Cozy Nursing Spot
This isn’t a must, because you can nurse anywhere, anytime, but it’s a nice to have, especially while you and baby are perfecting your latch. Set yourself up a glider or a recliner and keep lots of water, snacks, some nipple cream, nipple pads, burp clothes, and your nursing pillow readily available. Being relaxed contributes to being able to have a “let down”, in which your breast ejects milk for your tiny nursling. Do what you can beforehand to prep a a comfy, zen spot if you have the time and the means. If not, no worries – one of the benefits of breastfeeding is that you can do it anywhere.
Para concluir
You got this mama! Remember that your body was made to do this, and women have been nursing since the beginning of human existence. You’re giving your baby life, antibodies, the most perfect food for her teeny, tiny baby belly. You. Are. Amazing!
I wanted to write about this while it’s fresh in my mind. Full disclosure, L and I have not weaned yet. He is still happily nursing and I am happy as well. I am lucky enough to work from home 8-6 more or less, and I have the ability to nurse him during the day or pump and our nanny can give him a fresh bottle of milk. The challenging parts come with near weekly work travel and at night time when he wants to nurse all night long. But for me personally, it’s worth continuing because he’s happy, and I know that these moments will be gone before I can bat one of these combination-fill eyelash extensions that’s hanging on for dear life.
A friend of mine posted on Facebook today that she was having a hard time weaning her 13-month-old. In an instant I hopped on the judgement train thinking, “She’s a stay at home mom, what else has she got to do?” and, “Babies don’t self wean until at least 18 months, what’s the rush?”.
As much as I am a breastfeeding champion (not a competitive breastfeeder, though that would be cool, but rather someone who promotes breastfeeding), I had to take a whole stadium of seats when a like-minded friend said to me, “Sounds like mama is ready to wean”.
It was a good reminder to me that there are two people in this nursing relationship, and the mama counts. As women, and particularly mothers, altruism is an expectation. We’re expected to literally give every last drop, moment of wakefulness, and ounce of energy that we have to our babies and our families and we gladly do it time and time again. But there comes a time when the well gets a little dry, what with all of the outpouring of love and the shedding of blood, sweat, tears, and breast milk.
The World Health Organization recommends that mothers breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months, and continue complimenting solid foods for 2 years or more thereafter. That said, any amount of breastfeeding for any length of time, and in any combination is beneficial for your baby.
If you choose not to continue to breastfeed, make sure that it’s your choice. Below are some reasons why you shouldn’t stop breastfeeding:
Your Mom, Sister, Doctor, Husband, Friend or Gardener says it’s time to wean – Honestly, this is none of their business. If you want to continue breastfeeding, and so does your baby, continue on mama. Your baby, your tits, your decision. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding exclusively for at least the first 6 months, and preferably a year. The World Health Organization recommends at least two years. Just because your best friend booted her baby from the boobie at 8 months, doesn’t mean you should too. Tell her to mind her own nips.
Because it’s “weird” – Again, the major research organizations for pediatric and global health care recommend breastfeeding for at least 6 months and preferably 2 years and beyond. Exclusive breastfeeding in the first six months protects baby from infectious diseases and increases their chance of survival and thriving. Extended breastfeeding aids in development and continues to protect baby against infectious diseases. It NOT weird, it’s NORMAL and NATURAL. If you choose to stop breastfeeding, make sure that it’s because you are ready to end the relationship, and not because some stuffy assholes are telling you it’s what you should do.
My supply tanked, so I have to stop – First, contact your local La Leche League leader, or an IBCLCto see if your supply has in fact tanked, or if maybe you are perceiving a lower supply. It’s normal for moms to worry, and sometimes it’s just normal changes in baby’s behavior or in the feeling of your breasts that cause moms to believe that their supply has tanked. There are many other factors that could contribute; bad pump parts, mom not drinking enough or eating enough calories, nursing strikes, teething and so on. If you’re still interested in nursing, GET HELP from a professional. You can rebound and get your milk back even if you’re down to a drip. If don’t want to go on, be honest with yourself that you’re simply ready for the journey to end. No shame in wanting your body to be yours again, or whatever other reason you’re ready to stop.
My baby doesn’t want to nurse anymore – If your baby is under 18 months, that’s very unlikely. Baby’s don’t commonly self-wean before 18 months, and more realistically, 2 years. Nursing relationships go through seasons, just like every other relationship. Speak with a LLL leader, or an IBCLC (see above), and find out if your baby is having some other issue; teething, tongue or lips ties, thrush, developmental changes that make her easily distracted, or a strike. This could a very short lived phase, so if you still want to continue to nurse, keep offering the breast, and get help from a professional! If you don’t, that OK mama. Learn how to start the weaning process with the least stress to both you and baby.
So with that, I tuck my tail between my legs, and admit that my first reaction to my friend’s weaning her baby was dead wrong. You matter mama. If you want to wean, be intentional, make it your personal choice, and educate yourself on how to safely and gently do so. And please keep me posted on how rough or easy the weaning hormones are. I’m bracing myself for that [cringe].
“Baby Led Weaning” is a method of introducing solids to your chunk that allows your baby to feed himself. Attributed to Jill Rapley, author of Baby-Led Weaning and Helping Your Baby to Love Good Food, BLW promotes sensory play through different tastes, colors and flavors just as much as it promotes healthy eating. To me, this approach is a logical, fun way to introduce babies to solids that doesn’t involve force feeding, artificially preserved slop.
“What the fuck?”
You might think, when you first hear about Baby Led Weaning. “My baby regularly hits himself in the face! How the hell is he going to get food into that slobber factory of an adorable mouth?”
The answer is, he probably won’t. In the early months, Baby Led Weaning (BLW) is about sensory play and exploration more than it is about getting food into his little body. As us crunchy and crispy moms love to recite as our mantra, “Food before one is just for fun”. Baby’s primary source of nutrition should still be breast milk or formula, and table foods are complimentary.
“But why not purees?”
Isn’t there scientific research that says that pureed foods are best for babies? Nah, bruh. Pureed baby foods, particularly those in cans and jars became popular during the Great Depression when people couldn’t afford fresh, nutritious foods, and moms had to spend more time away from their babies working in factories. This was the same time that prune pudding was all the rage, so…yeah. This articlein National Geographic gives a great history of the baby food we know today. If you decide that purees are the best fit for your baby, they’re super easy to make yourself, and you can freeze them ahead.
“Won’t my baby choke?”
If done safely, there’s not a big chance that your baby will actually choke (true choking is when the airway becomes partially or fully blocked). A 2016 study cited on the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) site, comparied incidences of choking in infants who self-fed and infants who were fed purees by their parents from antenatal to 9 months. Though 35% of all infants had at least one choking event, there was no significant difference in the number of choking incidences of baby led feeders versus those fed by caretakers. Gagging is a much more realistic possibility as baby learns to navigate how much food to put in his mouth, how to chew, etc. When you begin BLW, your baby won’t have fine motor skills or a very refined “pincer grasp”, so you’ll cut food into long, thin strips that are long enough for baby to grasp, leaving some food poking out from his tiny triumphant fist. As he sharpens his skillz, you’ll be able to serve smaller items like peas, corn, etc. Small, round fruits like grapes and blueberries should be cut into quarters or halves or squashed to avoid choking. Finally, whole nuts, popcorn, and slices of hotdog or circular shaped, hard meats should never be given to baby until baby is no longer a baby…baby.
“So does this mean that we’re weaning now?”
No! This should really be called “Baby Led Feeding”. Let that little milk smuggler have at it for as long as you both are comfortable nursing. As I learned from my local La Leche League, it is very uncommon for a baby to self-wean before 18 months, and the purpose of this approach to feeding is not to encourage baby to wean – it’s to explore, play and learn. Make sure that you are keeping breast milk or formula as your baby’s primary source of nutrition for at least the first year, and always offer the boob or the bottle before you offer solids. I like to offer the boob one hour before offering solids, and immediately after he eats to wash them down.
“So what do I start with?”
“Real” and “hard core” Baby Led Weaning moms, dads, and caretakers feed baby everything that they eat from day one. Another core principal of BLW centers around involving baby in family meal time, which means that she eats what you eat, when you eat it, no exceptions. We modified this in our family because we’re anarchist rule-breakers, and we started with long strips of avocado. We later moved on to sweet potatoes, bananas, and roasted or sauteed zucchini. I originally said to myself that I would only do veggies and add fruits later so that Lawless didn’t develop a sweet tooth, but a banana was the first thing that he grabbed out of my hand, and it didn’t make a lick of a difference. He loves spinach, peas, asparagus – you name it, he eats it. Do steer clear of any added salt, sugar and processed foods – if you give those to your baby, you’re a she-devil.
“This sounds awesome – When can we start?”
Research suggests that all babies should wait until at least 6 months before being introduced to solids to ensure that their guts are mature enough to handle digesting them. Benefits of waiting until 6 months to start solids include decreased chance of unpleasant symptoms like gas, tummy aches, and constipation, and increased immunity if you are breastfeeding.
In addition to waiting until at least months, your baby should be able to sit unassisted (with no help from you or a seat), is starting to develop a pincer grasp and can pick up some smaller items, is interested in food and grabs for it, and has lost the tongue-thrust reflex and no longer automatically spits food out.
“Sign me up.”
Start stocking up on wall-to-wall tarps for your kitchen floor and tell the dog it’s about to be Christmas in July (and to stop mean mugging the baby because they’re about to be best friends). Baby Led Weaning is a messy, hilarious and FUN way of introducing your baby to family meal time. Get ready to be amazed at what you little one is capable of, and to flood Facebook with pictures of your kid with oatmeal covering every square inch of his body, making each and every one of our single friends gag (but not choke) simultaneously.
Let me start by saying – I’m not a doctor or a medical professional. Sometimes our babies really are sick and we need to listen to our “mama gut” (I hate that term), assess the situation, and sometimes seek medical care. That’s a fact.
But sometimes, babies are just babies. Sometimes moms are tired, and they want to believe that there’s a reason that their 8-week old newborn baby is crying every day at 6pm, won’t sleep in her crib, or refuses the breast. We’re so quick to look for something that we can fix; she has reflux, she has colic, she’s “not getting enough” milk, she doesn’t like laying flat, she’s allergic to dairy, soy, nightshades, air…
Or maybe, she just spent 10 months is a dark, cozy cave where all of her needs were provided for, and she was recently expelled into a cold, bright, noisy environment full of new everythings. If you think there’s a medical issue, by all means, do your parental duty and take the baby in to the doctor. But please know that almost every baby cries. You probably don’t have a “high needs” baby or a “difficult” baby. You ain’t special. Babies cry.
Crying
Babies do this. Especially from about 2-12 weeks. It. Is. Rough. Especially for mom, who is now hardwired to feel like she’s being lit on fire when baby cries. But this is a very normal developmental phase. You may notice that it happens at the same time every day, or that it happens for hours. If baby is fed, warm enough, cool enough, and his diaper is dry, it might just be your baby being a baby. Some call it the “witching hour”, but I like the explanations on the Period of PURPLE Crying.
If you’re very worried, call your midwife, or your baby’s pediatrician, but tell that doctor to put the prescription pad down for just a minute. Or keep it out, and you can decide if it’s necessary to fill the prescription. Because there may not be a medical cause for baby’s crying other than normal mental development. And that’s ok.
What can you do?
Pour yourself a glass of wine (drink plenty of water as well, and don’t get too tipsy. After all, you’ve got a baby to hold. And yes, you can drink a glass of wine and breastfeed)
Give the baby to your partner for a little while if you can stomach it. Those hormones are a beast and it might feel all wrong to give baby to dad, your partner, or Grandma. But if you can handle it, give baby to one of the aforementioned to rock, bounce, or sing to while you stay close and curl up on the couch for a catnap. You need it.
Bounce on a yoga ball with the baby. A high school friend taught me this one via Facebook message when I told her what a little PITA Lawless was being. It worked! Granted he would cry as soon as we stopped bouncing, but…it worked!
Swaddle the baby. So many people say “My baby hates being swaddled”. Your baby doesn’t hate being swaddled. You hate swaddling your baby because she squirms and cries. But I tell you, when you get her in that perfect tight swaddle and she settles down and closes her eyes, you will naysay no longer. Our doulas, Ashley & Evangeline, taught us the double swaddle technique, and it was a winner. Give it a whirl.
Nurse, nurse, nurse! When in doubt, take your boob out. Or offer a bottle. Teeny tiny babies nurse frequently – from 12-7 million times a day. There’s no harm in offering.
Burp, burp, burp! If you think gas is the culprit, which it many times is because baby’s digestive system is about as basic as North Face jacket, try burping the baby. I’ve recently read that over your shoulder might not be the best way to help baby relax, so try propping baby on your lap with her chin between your thumb and pointer finger in a “V”, and rub her little back to help her relax and get the burp out. You can also try this “I Love You” massage if you think baby’s gas is trapped in her tummy.
Refusing to Sleep in the Crib or Bassinet
Psssst… Guess what? Your baby has spent his entire life nestled in your womb. It was literally the best and he was literally attached to you. Now you want him to sleep by himself???
I’m all for “Back is Best”, and for the ding dongs that can’t be trusted not to drink or do drugs or prescription meds, baby should be in a crib or bassinet next to the bed to keep baby safe…and to prevent him from absorbing whatever moron vapor those idiots exhale. But for those of us responsible, tax paying individuals who can research and create a deliberate, safe sleep space, in my humble opinion, bed-sharing is your best option. I will deep dive on this in another post, but the quick and dirty:
Never sleep with baby on a couch, recliner, futon or chair, only on a flat surface like a bed
Back is still best
The sleep surface should be firm
Sorry mom, but keep pillows and blankets off of the bed. Wear pants or whatever you need to keep warm, but no blankets or pillows
Sheets should be tight fitting, so only use the fitted sheet, no top sheet that could end up covering the baby’s face
Make sure that there are no gaps between the mattress and headboard, or between the bed and the wall where baby could get trapped and suffocate
Baby must be breastfed. Sorry moms, but formula and bottle fed babies cannot safely bed share
If you’re wagging your finger and shaking your head at me for bed sharing, you do you. Try keeping baby close by in a side car or next to your bedside so you can quickly retrieve him when he needs you in the middle of the night
For the best, safe bed sharing guidelines, James McKenna is the ultimate resource and provides detailed, Safe Cosleeping Guidelines
Baby is Refusing the Breast
Oh man, this one is frustrating and makes you feel so helpless. Boobs are supposed to cure everything, right? There are some things that might make baby refuse the breast, but not to worry – she’ll come back.
Before you go down the road of “I just think I’m not making enough milk” or “she just doesn’t seem satisfied after nursing”, put down that can of formula (unless you choose to formula feed, in which case, pick it back up). There is a very goodchance that your body is making exactly what your baby needs. Unfortunately pediatricians are not lactation consultants, and they often urge moms to crack open that can. If you really want to breastfeed, please contact an IBCLC who is uniquely qualified to advise and diagnose all that is breastfeeding.
There could be bigger issues like a tongue or lip tie (or both), or an issue with milk transfer, or it could be something completely manageable like one of the following:
Baby has to burp. You may have burped her already, but those little suckers get air trapped in their tiny bodies at every turn. If baby is trying to latch and keeps crying, try burping her for a little while first to see if you can relax her and release any trapped air
You have a forceful letdown – Does your baby seem like she has to gulp and gasp when she’s nursing, especially when you first start to nurse? Your milk might be coming at her like a firehose. Kelly Mom is my breastfeeding bible and she has a great list of signs of a forceful letdown
You have a slow letdown – Some babies are just impatient. You might notice her kneading your breast trying to hurry your milk the hell up. This is a tough one, because letdown can be slowed by mom’s anxiety, nervousness, etc., and baby fussing can cause all of these things. Your best bet is to get yourself in your own little nursing corner, sip some water, smell your baby’s sweet head, feel her soft little skin, and try to relax as best as you can. It will happen mama – your body was made for this!
She’s not hungry, but she wants to nurse for comfort, and your pesky milk keeps coming out. Baby doesn’t always nurse because she’s hungry. She might just want to be close to mama – the sucking motion is one of her greatest soothers. If baby is a little bit older (over 6 weeks), you can try a newborn paci
She’s distracted – Right around 12 weeks, baby starts to take in more of the world around her, and she also has a greater field of vision. This causes a lot of distractions because everything is brand new
Thrush – If you notice a white film on your baby’s tongue that is difficult to remove with a wet cloth, it could be thrush. Thrush can make nursing uncomfortable for you and baby
Teething
Baby has a cold
Some Other Things to Consider
All of the above said, of course you want to be vigilant and make sure that baby has a good output of wet and dirty diapers, has periods where she is not crying, and that she is gaining weight each time you visit the ped. When in doubt, take the baby to the doctor – better safe than sorry, and no one will ever judge you for being safe. Here are few additional, more serious items to keep an eye out for:
Pyloric Stenosis – If baby starts throwing up clear liquid around 2-3 weeks, to the hospital you shall go
If baby is not gaining weight, call an IBCLC right away. If you are military, you might have access to one on base. You can also contact your local La Leche League leader for advice, and potentially a home visit. My local LLL leader, Jen, is beyond helpful and generous with her time
Intestinal Obstruction – If baby has a lump in the abdomen, vomiting, stool mixed with blood and mucus….call your doctor
Do serious, scary things happen to our babies sometimes? Yes. But many times your baby is just doing what babies do. Taking in her big new world, and communicating as best as she can, the only way that she knows how right now – Crying. Hang in there mama (and partners)! You’re doing a GREAT job, and your baby loves you.
