Let me start by saying – I’m not a doctor or a medical professional.  Sometimes our babies really are sick and we need to listen to our “mama gut” (I hate that term), assess the situation, and sometimes seek medical care.  That’s a fact.

But sometimes, babies are just babies.  Sometimes moms are tired, and they want to believe that there’s a reason that their 8-week old newborn baby is crying every day at 6pm, won’t sleep in her crib, or refuses the breast.  We’re so quick to look for something that we can fix; she has reflux, she has colic, she’s “not getting enough” milk, she doesn’t like laying flat, she’s allergic to dairy, soy, nightshades, air… 

Or maybe, she just spent 10 months is a dark, cozy cave where all of her needs were provided for, and she was recently expelled into a cold, bright, noisy environment full of new everythings.  If you think there’s a medical issue, by all means, do your parental duty and take the baby in to the doctor.  But please know that almost every baby cries.  You probably don’t have  a “high needs” baby or a “difficult” baby.  You ain’t special.  Babies cry.

Crying

Babies do this.  Especially from about 2-12 weeks.  It. Is. Rough.  Especially for mom, who is now hardwired to feel like she’s being lit on fire when baby cries.  But this is a very normal developmental phase.  You may notice that it happens at the same time every day, or that it happens for hours.  If baby is fed, warm enough, cool enough, and his diaper is dry, it might just be your baby being a baby.  Some call it the “witching hour”, but I like the explanations on the Period of PURPLE Crying.  

If you’re very worried, call your midwife, or your baby’s pediatrician, but tell that doctor to put the prescription pad down for just a minute.  Or keep it out, and you can decide if it’s necessary to fill the prescription.  Because there may not be a medical cause for baby’s crying other than normal mental development.  And that’s ok.

What can you do?

• Pour yourself a glass of wine (drink plenty of water as well, and don’t get too tipsy.  After all, you’ve got a baby to hold.  And yes, you can drink a glass of wine and breastfeed)
• Give the baby to your partner for a little while if you can stomach it.  Those hormones are a beast and it might feel all wrong to give baby to dad, your partner, or Grandma.  But if you can handle it, give baby to one of the aforementioned to rock, bounce, or sing to while you stay close and curl up on the couch for a catnap.  You need it.
• Bounce on a yoga ball with the baby.  A high school friend taught me this one via Facebook message when I told her what a little PITA Lawless was being.  It worked!  Granted he would cry as soon as we stopped bouncing, but…it worked!
• Swaddle the baby.  So many people say “My baby hates being swaddled”.  Your baby doesn’t hate being swaddled.  You hate swaddling your baby because she squirms and cries.  But I tell you, when you get her in that perfect tight swaddle and she settles down and closes her eyes, you will naysay no longer.  Our doulas, Ashley & Evangeline, taught us the double swaddle technique, and it was a winner.  Give it a whirl.
• Nurse, nurse, nurse!  When in doubt, take your boob out.  Or offer a bottle.  Teeny tiny babies nurse frequently – from 12-7 million times a day.  There’s no harm in offering.
• Burp, burp, burp!  If you think gas is the culprit, which it many times is because baby’s digestive system is about as basic as North Face jacket, try burping the baby.  I’ve recently read that over your shoulder might not be the best way to help baby relax, so try propping baby on your lap with her chin between your thumb and pointer finger in a “V”, and rub her little back to help her relax and get the burp out.  You can also try this “I Love You” massage if you think baby’s gas is trapped in her tummy.
  

Refusing to Sleep in the Crib or Bassinet

Psssst…  Guess what?  Your baby has spent his entire life nestled in your womb.  It was literally the best and he was literally attached to you.  Now you want him to sleep by himself???

I’m all for “Back is Best”, and for the ding dongs that can’t be trusted not to drink or do drugs or prescription meds, baby should be in a crib or bassinet next to the bed to keep baby safe…and to prevent him from absorbing whatever moron vapor those idiots exhale.  But for those of us responsible, tax paying individuals who can research and create a deliberate, safe sleep space, in my humble opinion, bed-sharing is your best option.  I will deep dive on this in another post, but the quick and dirty:

• Never sleep with baby on a couch, recliner, futon or chair, only on a flat surface like a bed
• Back is still best
• The sleep surface should be firm
• Sorry mom, but keep pillows and blankets off of the bed.  Wear pants or whatever you need to keep warm, but no blankets or pillows
• Sheets should be tight fitting, so only use the fitted sheet, no top sheet that could end up covering the baby’s face
• Make sure that there are no gaps between the mattress and headboard, or between the bed and the wall where baby could get trapped and suffocate
• Baby must be breastfed.  Sorry moms, but formula and bottle fed babies cannot safely bed share
• If you’re wagging your finger and shaking your head at me for bed sharing, you do you.  Try keeping baby close by in a side car or next to your bedside so you can quickly retrieve him when he needs you in the middle of the night

For the best, safe bed sharing guidelines, James McKenna is the ultimate resource and provides detailed, Safe Cosleeping Guidelines 

Baby is Refusing the Breast

Oh man, this one is frustrating and makes you feel so helpless.  Boobs are supposed to cure everything, right?  There are some things that might make baby refuse the breast, but not to worry – she’ll come back. 

Before you go down the road of “I just think I’m not making enough milk” or “she just doesn’t seem satisfied after nursing”, put down that can of formula (unless you choose to formula feed, in which case, pick it back up).  There is a very good chance that your body is making exactly what your baby needs.  Unfortunately pediatricians are not lactation consultants, and they often urge moms to crack open that can.  If you really want to breastfeed, please contact an IBCLC who is uniquely qualified to advise and diagnose all that is breastfeeding.

There could be bigger issues like a tongue or lip tie (or both), or an issue with milk transfer, or it could be something completely manageable like one of the following:

• Baby has to burp.  You may have burped her already, but those little suckers get air trapped in their tiny bodies at every turn.  If baby is trying to latch and keeps crying, try burping her for a little while first to see if you can relax her and release any trapped air
• You have a forceful letdown – Does your baby seem like she has to gulp and gasp when she’s nursing, especially when you first start to nurse?  Your milk might be coming at her like a firehose.  Kelly Mom is my breastfeeding bible and she has a great list of signs of a forceful letdown
• You have a slow letdown – Some babies are just impatient.  You might notice her kneading your breast trying to hurry your milk the hell up.  This is a tough one, because letdown can be slowed by mom’s anxiety, nervousness, etc., and baby fussing can cause all of these things.  Your best bet is to get yourself in your own little nursing corner, sip some water, smell your baby’s sweet head, feel her soft little skin, and try to relax as best as you can.  It will happen mama – your body was made for this!
• She’s not hungry, but she wants to nurse for comfort, and your pesky milk keeps coming out.  Baby doesn’t always nurse because she’s hungry.  She might just want to be close to mama – the sucking motion is one of her greatest soothers.  If baby is a little bit older (over 6 weeks), you can try a newborn paci
• She’s distracted – Right around 12 weeks, baby starts to take in more of the world around her, and she also has a greater field of vision.  This causes a lot of distractions because everything is brand new
• Thrush – If you notice a white film on your baby’s tongue that is difficult to remove with a wet cloth, it could be thrush.  Thrush can make nursing uncomfortable for you and baby
• Teething 
• Baby has a cold

Some Other Things to Consider

All of the above said, of course you want to be vigilant and make sure that baby has a good output of wet and dirty diapers, has periods where she is not crying, and that she is gaining weight each time you visit the ped.  When in doubt, take the baby to the doctor – better safe than sorry, and no one will ever judge you for being safe.  Here are few additional, more serious items to keep an eye out for:

• Pyloric Stenosis – If baby starts throwing up clear liquid around 2-3 weeks, to the hospital you shall go
  
• If baby is not gaining weight, call an IBCLC right away.  If you are military, you might have access to one on base.  You can also contact your local La Leche League leader for advice, and potentially a home visit.  My local LLL leader, Jen, is beyond helpful and generous with her time
• Intestinal Obstruction – If baby has a lump in the abdomen, vomiting, stool mixed with blood and mucus….call your doctor

Do serious, scary things happen to our babies sometimes?  Yes.  But many times your baby is just doing what babies do.  Taking in her big new world, and communicating as best as she can, the only way that she knows how right now – Crying.  Hang in there mama (and partners)!  You’re doing a GREAT job, and your baby loves you.